There are few certainties in life, the saying goes. We know for sure that one day death’s bony index finger will tap each and every one of us on the head, but it’s hard to think of many other examples of the truly inevitable, particularly when it comes to football. After all, as a wiser man than you and I once said, it’s a funny old game. But there is one inevitable act that we are able to rely on, and that’s the constant piping up of both Harry Redknapp and Sam Allardyce any time anyone mentions the England manager job within a 50 mile radius of either of them.
Interviews will probably take place 18 months from now, but that hasn’t stopped ‘Arry or Big Sam having their say for the umpteenth time in the wake of Fabio Capello’s announcement this week that he intends to retire from football after the 2012 European Championships. Wouldn’t the next year and a half be easier on all of us all if the FA suddenly warned every English club manager that they’ll be instantly blacklisted if they so much as mention the words ‘England’ and ‘Manager’ in the same sentence between now and July 2012?
It would stop a hell of a lot of as-yet unchuntered chuntering, that’s for sure.
Pic: An artist’s impression of what shutting the fuck up might look like.
Allardyce and Redknapp have not held back from piping up about all things England manager-related before. Redknapp was critical of Capello’s tactics live on ITV and also in print during the World Cup (which is a bit rich coming from a man who claims not to believe in the importance of formations) while Big Sam dissed the Italian for his dedicated ignoring of Paul Robinson earlier this year. While both men were firing darts of truth at Don Fabio, the public nature of their criticism will certainly have raised a few eyebrows within the FA. In that respect avoiding discussing the England job – or the man currently holding it – over the next year or so might actually benefit Redknapp and Allardyce as much as it would the rest of us.
It’s interesting, if reports this week are to be believed, that Tottenham are apparently considering asking the FA for compensation after both Michael Dawson and Jermain Defoe returned from international duty with fairly serious injuries. They do have a good case for this; like it or not such claims and discussions of player insurance are necessary considerations in the modern era, given the value and weekly cost of footballers and the prize money that comes with success. But you can really imagine Redknapp squirming over this one at the moment. His paymasters will probably be able to live with putting a few FA noses out of joint if they do go through with the claim, but it’s possible Harry won’t be too vocal about the issue now that Capello has said he’ll scarper.
Steve Bruce has also thrown his hat into the ring pretty early, by the looks of things, and in fairness it’s good to see a few managers showing a desire for the top position, even if it is by getting their mates in the media to pass come-and-get-me messages on to the suits at Soho Square (which is all a little bit too similar to the plot of Roxanne, to be honest). Yes, whoever gets it will earn a fortune, but perhaps we should just be happy that a few managers are interested in the job, and are showing the public just how much they want it. Perhaps.
Pic: “I’m not a fackin’ wheeler dealer! But if you’ve got £4 million handy you can take ten cases of cutlery off my hands, and I’ll throw in Jermaine Jenas.”
If you were being gracious, you could defend this handful of English managers further and point out that they are only responding to questions put to them by the media. This is true, but again they may wish to consider side-stepping the issue in the future before they talk themselves out of contention; plenty of managers are more than capable of doing just that if they ever feel the line of questioning put to them about their clubs is not to their liking. It’s doubtful that their clubs would begrudge them a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity if it ever arose, but even the most patient of chairmen will start to feel tested if their employees spend the next 90 weeks talking about buggering off, even if they’re suspiciously over-stressing that they’re not buggering off, as Harry did this week.
Redknapp’s comments were actually quite respectful towards his current employers, or at least on the surface they appeared to be. Although the following quote has been slightly doctored, the Spurs gaffer basically said: “Could I turn it down? No, but I don’t want to start saying I want the England job, because I don’t [said Redknapp, presumably because he wants the England job]. It’s not something that I’m pushing myself for [said Redknapp, pushing himself forward by talking yet again about the England job to the media]. I would like to see an English guy [like me] get the job when Capello calls it a day and there are enough lads out there who could do a great job [but let's be honest about Tony Pulis' chances]. It certainly is a difficult job. Whoever takes it gets absolutely slaughtered [by the likes of me in tabloid columns, if I don't get it]. Nobody escapes. But people [I] would always take it. You’ve got to take the job if you’re offered it.”
“You’ve got to take the job if you’re offered it” said Harry. Interesting. Does he think the FA will simply offer the job to the nearest passing Englishman? Presumably even though he’s in the Champions League now he’s not above applying for the damn thing. Redknapp graciously bigged up Bruce as the man he thought was right for the job, which is either some Machiavellian-level reverse psychology, or utter claptrap, depending on your point of view.
Pic: Big Sam tells Chris Tarrant about his personal vision of the future of the earpiece, 1984.
Allardyce must have a personal bet on with Redknapp to see who can comment first when the England job crops up as the issue du jour. In a slightly odd move he attacked the FA yesterday, suggesting that Roy Hodgson has already made a shortlist of one due to the fact he has recently enjoyed a decent season with Fulham. Allardyce’s point was not that Hodgson didn’t deserve to be considered, but that it’s wrong for the FA’s decisions to be based on current flavours of the month rather than looking at the wider picture. He’s actually saying that the FA have made mistakes in overlooking Woy for the job in 2001, 2006 and 2007, despite his excellent record abroad, because he wasn’t successful in the Premier League.
There are other English managers working in the Premier League, of course, but one name in particular remained elusive yesterday. One man can lift this country out of the doledrums after it fails spectacularly at Euro 2012. One man can get the nation believing in itself again. If the FA are adamant they want a homegrown manager, then surely, people, Ian Holloway’s time has come.
The teams that make up Brazil 2014 won’t know what’s hit them, and neither will we.
